I want to thank Jessica's parents, Jim and Linda, for making this weekend so special. The two of you have done an amazing job raising Jessica and even better job of pretending to like Michael.
Michael and I met in college and let me just say that our first conversation is one I will ALWAYS remember. Michael mentioned that he liked to hunt, so I asked him, “What kind of animals do you hunt?”
His reply was “If it lives in Tennessee, I’ve probably killed it.” At that point I was very grateful that I did not live in Tennessee.
When I look at Michael and Jessica now, I see why they work so well together. Jessica is sweet and caring, loves volunteering and giving back to the community, and Michael is, well… Republican. This is a marriage where opposites attract and opposing views on health care actually makes the marriage stronger.
One time Michael took Jessica out to the farm to go shooting. From what I heard, her shooting was so bad deer were actually standing in front of the targets because they knew that was the safest place for them.
The more I think about it, I realize that Michael and Jessica actually have a lot in common. Jessica likes to volunteer and Michael is from the volunteer state. Jessica gives back to the community by volunteering for the Gildas Club and Michael gives back to the community by single-handedly eliminating the over-population of deer any chance he gets. Michael is the only friend I have who actually looks to hit deer when he’s driving. Like he said, “If it lives in Tennessee I’ve probably killed it” and that could mean by gun, bow & arrow, car, nerf football, or a wrestling match.
Seeing the two of you so happy together makes me smile. Michael is a great friend and I am happy he found a remarkable woman like Jessica. It’s like your individual talents and beauties were always just one half of something even more talented and more beautiful. I know the two of you will enjoy a great future together!
If we can all raise our glasses to Michael and Jessica. To a life of laughter, romance, and adventure. Cheers!
Laugh Staff is built using stand-up comedians as writers and consultants. A wedding speech is the closest anyone will ever come to doing stand-up comedy, so it only makes sense to get help from professional comedians. Our comedians have worked for the likes of Howard Stern and SNL Weekend Update.